tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12899938.post286858314765948715..comments2020-07-16T07:55:59.201-07:00Comments on The Social Environmentalist: Feminism and Anti-MonogamySitakalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13910060545999282818noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12899938.post-45422939677302672552009-08-04T03:32:26.935-07:002009-08-04T03:32:26.935-07:00Thank you, Shandy. To have relationships the way y...Thank you, Shandy. To have relationships the way you choose is hardly closed-minded. If anything, it's closed-minded to have a relationship based on an ideology that doesn't fit your actual relationship needs.Sitakalihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13910060545999282818noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12899938.post-36312229933340064362009-08-02T23:53:58.690-07:002009-08-02T23:53:58.690-07:00I can't thank you enough for writing this. Aft...I can't thank you enough for writing this. After been involved with anarchists and some pretty sexist 'anarcho-femenist' theory from men I have struggled with my desire for monogomy. I have come to the same conclusion as you about the whole thing. <br /><br />I have friends in a poly relationship and they assume my partner and I are 'closed minded' because our relationship is monogomous. In fact we have discussed different types of relationships and discovered that we both wanted the same thing. To me that is the basis of a healthy relationship be it poly or not.<br /><br />It makes me so happy to know that there are other people out there who see some of the fundamental flaws in arguements about poly/mono relationships. We should all be free to decide what is healthy and fulfilling for ourselves. Being forced to participate in relationhips we don't enjoy is just as wrong no matter who is pushing it.Shandy Bearmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03671283486251942777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12899938.post-25024243604880003222007-02-03T22:06:00.000-08:002007-02-03T22:06:00.000-08:00Great post. I find this sort of thing one of the ...Great post. I find this sort of thing one of the most annoying among anarchists. Reject status quo, rejection of status quo becomes "cool" and in so becomes its own status quo. I think polyamory often in itself creates uneven power dynamics, because if one person is seeing more than one, than the other person (people) in the relationship may feel compelled to date more than one person, too. It further bothers me that polyamory is promoted under the guise of being feminist or anti-patriarchy, yet I get the feeling that a lot of "feminist" anarchist men are looking for excuses to sleep around. "What? I get to be an anarchist (which gives me automatic sex appeal), a feminist AND have sex with many women? Duuuuuuuuude. Polyamory all the way! If you like monogamy you're just perpetuatig the system, man!"<br /><br />It makes sense to bring outside inputs into in your relationship. It makes sense to me to raise children communally. It makes sense that people may need to seek out intimacy in other relationships. I'm sure there are plenty of contexts within which polyamory work. I would even be okay with it in this society if it weren't so hip (thus playig into capitalist competition and individualism).Loraxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13150939588153437681noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12899938.post-4064713379175248952007-01-31T13:58:00.000-08:002007-01-31T13:58:00.000-08:00I am a polyamory advocate and agree with many of y...I am a polyamory advocate and agree with many of your points here, especially that monogamy is still a legitimate choice. I will add that I do know many polyamorists with successful relationships - and many that crash and burn. As a matter of fact, I teach a very popular class at polyamory conferences on how to avoid the latter. Poly relationships crash and burn for many reasons, but indeed one of them is that the participants enter them as unprepared in terms of relationships skills as they were in their monogamous relationships. <br /><br />Whether monogamy or polyamory are human nature is irrelevant to my mind, though it is true according to well-known, respected, and widely published anthropologist Dr. Helen Fischer that over time human behavior adapted in order to see that humans survive, by both pair bonding (thereby giving children the best chance to survive) and by mating with others outside the pair bond, again so as to enhance the chances of human survival. Historically and reproductively speaking, males have indeed always had a natural and misunderstood desire to spread their sperm amongst desireable females, and females have always had a natural and misunderstood desire to receive the sperm of desirable males. Fischer says that what we think of as desirable is really subconsciously a recognition of the healthiest partners most likely to produce the healthiest offspring. <br /><br />I agree that we all have free will and the freedom to exercise it. From an ethical point of view, we should abide by our relationships agreements, whatever they may be, and if we can't, we should renegotiate them, not break them. <br /><br />Best regards,<br />Anita WagnerAnita Wagner Illighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07083649751515838086noreply@blogger.com